Leitmotif

I keep coming back to the same things in my rituals- obviously the chatter, the mind gibbers and complains. I have tried to add some relaxation work in today's process to make it smoother. Of course, this has just the opposite effect, and I get the most complete feeling of dread as I stand up to do the LBRP- the dialogue is telling me that my life is a mess and that this is a stupid thing to be doing with my time. Anyway, I do the LBRP with all the gusto that I can muster, and follow it up with the Middle Pillar. But the dialogue returns to the same theme every time that I work:

Am I doing this right?

Am I supposed to literally be able to see and feel these things, or am I using active imagination? What does this feel like when you do it correctly? Does it feel like this? The books are all very unclear about this. I've read at least twenty different version of the LBRP, and none of them ever really come to what this is supposed to feel like- and I suppose that makes sense, as I'm going after my True Self here. I mean, who else has or will ever experience what it feels like for me to go in search of the Knowledge and Conversation of my HGA?

I'm lusting after results. It's problematic, and it always results in the breakdown of the Do It Every Day promise.