Middle Pillar Ritual

I just completed my first Middle Pillar Ritual. There were many difficulties, as I had not memorized the God names beforehand, and found myself buried in a book for much of it. Much of magick feels very mechanical to me, and that feeling is both somewhat alien, and terribly comforting. Alien, in that it always seems to me that a practice that gets you back in line with your own True Will should feel natural and not academic or difficult. Comforting, because I am really beginning to realize that it is by the mechanism of consistency that the greatest acts of genius are accomplished.

The Middle Pillar seemed no different. I enjoyed it, as I have really been interested in the deeper meanings of the Kabalah as of late, and my understanding of the Middle Pillar is that it is an activation of the Sephirot of the Middle Pillar that align themselves with some of the seven chakras of Yoga in the human being. It seems like a reverse of the activation of Kundalini energy, but that is just a speculation based upon an cursory reading of both. I have no first-hand experience of actually drawing up Kundalini energy.

It's strange how things manifest as they become necessary. I read an interesting post at a Chaos forum that basically asked the question "If we are always Banishing, Banishing, Banishing, when do we Invoke?" That question has since gnawed at me a bit, forcing myself to wonder if magick isn't some sort of silly safety blanket for me, protecting me from all the nasties out there. So, though I am aware that the LBRP is certianly developmental to the magicians Will, I have been thinking a great deal about the need to Invike; to take a more active process in my own Creative Evolution. Obviously, I was aware of the Middle Pillar Ritual, but I had somehow made it an extension of the LBRP in my mind, and so devalued it to myself. That was a mistake. The Middle Pillar functions to me at this point much more as an Invocation- a remarkable exercise in the engagement of energies that are called from "outside". Even though I was aware of the Middle Pillar, I didn't use it due to a decision about it that I had made arbitrarily. But due to my interest in the development of the Sephirot, I have re-discovered it, and am really happy about that. It felt, for all of its clunkyness, like the right thing to plug into my ritual space at this time. I'm going to try to do it every day.

I'd like to make a promise to myself, and keep it. Keeping this promise has turned out to be the single hardest thing that I'll ever engage in: Do It Every Day. I usually disappoint myself if I try.

More info on the Middle Pillar by Israel Regardie:
http://www.davedavies.com/splanet/magic3.htm