Satori?

I had a myself a genuine moment of revelation yesterday. I actually knew something without actually knowing it. For just a second I felt and knew the divinity I had been working to know this whole time. It was just for a scant moment, and it didn't last past the vibration on the first god name YHVH, but it was there, nonetheless, and it was accompanied by an intense visualization of the inscribing of the pentegram. My visual imagination generally works in fits and starts, and always seems located deep inside of my brain, and not in the front, where I feel that I perceive visual information. This time, it was directly in front of me, and it was very, very REAL.

Today also had some very real elements to the practice. I found an excellent recording of Dr. Israel Regardie going through the full Middle Pillar Ritual here. Using that to help with the fairly complicated god names through the five Sepiroth in the exercise was quite helpful, but even more than that was the importance of actually believing that this was divine space, and that I was performing these exercises not out of duty, but out of a genuine understanding that the Light I was manifesting in my mind and from my astral body was the Light of God (which sounds cheesy to me, and gives me pause as I type it, but is true nonetheless). Again, the reality of the exercise was palpable- I could feel the shaft of light descend from Kether and into my throat. In fact, my throat still feels as though it has something a bit jammed in there, but not in a bad way. I had some issues being able to make the ball of light real in my solar plexus, but Dr. Regardie explained that the ball of light should be in the chest, and only sit on the diaphragm, rather than having the diaphragm be the center of the ball, which is how I had previously understood the process. As soon as that was explained, my chest filled up, and I vibrated YHVH Eloha va Da'at to make it manifest as a reality. The next ball was also challenging, and, truth be told, I never quite got it right. But the ball representing Malkuth at the soles of my feet worked just fine, and the circulating of the light actually cause me to tingle in the direction that the energy was flowing, and it happened before my conscious mind had really heard the words of Dr. Regardie telling me to do so. Another interesting thing was that when I was perfectly attentive to the vision, Dr. Regardie and I began the vibration of the god names at precisely the same moment very often.

After the exercise, I felt that my awareness had been shifted. I came down to write this straight away, and it has subsided a bit, but is still largely present.

Finally, something real.